Relationship : True love will find you when you are ready

Q: We have known each other for about three years and held hands for the first time in January. We live in the same housing estate. I am 18. He is 25 and holds a good job.

Even though I might be spoiled as I am an only child, I don’t make demands on him as I understand though he has a girlfriend now he ought not to neglect his friends. I have been very childish but he helps change all that.

He is everything to me. Whenever we have a misunderstanding and sometimes he might be in the wrong, I always apologize first as I am afraid to lose him.

Twice recently he missed our appointments and went out with his friends instead. I am beginning to wonder whether he truly loves me. I feel he is no longer the guy I felt in love with. He is my first love.

I would be leaving for college in another state soon. I know I should not be selfish to ask him to wait for me. We have talked about it and agreed to leave it to fate.

Recently a friend whom I have known for quite a while expressed his feelings for me. He wanted me to be his girlfriend.

I don’t love him but he said he would try his best to win my heart.

I am not sure what I am feeling now. But love does seem like a constant pain to me. I am upset, disappointed and depressed.

Confused

A: The first fellow might be your first but he certainly can’t be your last. As you are feeling he is not the same anymore, he probably also senses the changes you might not be aware of in you.

The brink of college and career in young adults demands naturally changes in their outlook and expectations.

Love might be important now but you need to shift needs around as you have more and different demands on your times and priorities.

The same way your working boyfriend needs to juggle friends, career and love, you will be doing the same once you enter college.

It’s not only wise but also practical not to expect love with your boyfriend will end up true and sweet.

Even though both painful and unthinkable now, it is inevitable that your lives will change when you grow older. The result is either you grow together or one of you outpacing the other.

Now, because you fear losing him, you feel that you are making all the compromises.

Now, because he seems to place more importance on his friends than your feelings, you are uncertain of his love. Then a new guy declares his love you. You are confused and frustrated as a result.

It would certainly be easier if your boyfriend loves you totally and unconditionally. That way you wouldn’t even need anybody else. Unfortunately he isn’t like that.

But these things are bound to happen because you are young.

You may even meet a few more like them before you can make up your mind when it finally comes to marriage and commitment.

So, what you should do is to relax, take it easy and stop worrying too much about your boyfriend. Before responsibilities like your future catches up on you, enjoy yourself as much as you can and/or study, read, learn to grow as much as you can.

When you are ready true love will find you.

Source : New Sabah Times